Just a drive by…

merely a passing glance – is it fate or you that decides who you meet and who you love??? Is it a matter of taking a chance or waiting for a sign from the universe??? Is it your choice or simply waiting for everything to fall into place??? It simply happens… Every now and then, we meet someone with whom we can converse for hours on end, and time never seems to be enough. We want that conversation to go on forever, or at least yearn for a sand-glass that could keep time till we become bored of chatting…

With my personal experiences, I came up with a notion that still motivates me anytime I look back along my road when I was in my teens: “If you’re going to attempt, go all the way, give it everything you’ve got, and never give up.” Otherwise, don’t bother. This might entail losing a lot of people you care about, including friends, relatives, and possibly your mind. For days or weeks, it could mean not eating, sleeping, or breathing. It may mean freezing on a park bench overlooking the sea or on a mountain peak at 3 a.m. It could lead to incarceration. It could imply mockery. It could imply ridicule or isolation. Isolation is a blessing. All of the others are a test of your stamina and determination to complete the task. And you’ll succeed despite rejection and the odds being stacked against you. And it will be far superior to anything you can conceive. If you’re going to try, give it your best, never stop, and never give up. There’s no other sensation like it. You may be alone, but you will be filled with the will to achieve your goals, and your evenings will be filled with fire. You’ll coast through life to the perfect chuckle. It’s the only decent fight there is, and it’s the only thing that matters…”

I met an outstanding, most incredibly fickle minded dynamite head of a girl a few days back when I chose to adjust a few things in my work routine, just when it seemed like my wandering voyage was unstoppable. This one-of-a-kind woman was nuts, someone I would label insane for all the more rhyme and reason. It’s impossible for me to be drawn to someone so insane, yet she donned a lot of masks, much as I do at times, to hide her actual nature from the undesired audience. Someone who acted like a girl when she desired something and more like a tomboy when she wanted to blend in with the crowd or stand out in an unfamiliar crowd. It could be regarded as an un-perfect combination or a delicious calamity.

She had no control over her emotions, and no matter what she said or did, it always felt as if she was living her life alone for reasons better left unsaid. When it came to attachments or feelings, she seemed to be a completely different person, able to cry over the most insignificant concerns and slam the snot out of anybody who would take everything she said for granted or ignore her when she was talking about anything and everything. When she is a damsel in distress and a gamine, for example. It’s a rare thing to encounter someone with that much charisma and charm – this is a coincidence, a close miss, or a one-in-a-million chance.

“It’s not just the craziness of the opposite person that attracts me,” I say, “but a certain insanity and oddity of that person that matches mine :D.” A friend of mine always referred to me as a guy who gets attached to the most highly complicated and troublesome category when it comes to girls; I’ve never liked sane girls, hence the name insane was bestowed upon me I guess :P. A relationship would be too dull and mundane to strive and work hard for without a bit of insanity in it…

What was amazing about her was her outspokenness and how straightforward a person can be, her way of shouting out loud to things that she cherished, loved, and condemned, the she-hulk kind of animosity and rage at times and yet the benevolence and grace of a princess of wonderland, at an age where others are prying over things and crazy nonsense college life going on a scale of randomness career paths with nothing making sense in life, this woman had a dream that

She moved like an angel when it came to dancing, a hurricane one moment and a soft summer breeze the next. When it came to any other work, she was as lazy as Garfield, but when she heard music, she would rock the dance floor bam-bam. She stated that dancing is her source of inspiration, that it is all she knows how to do, and that it is something she excels at. She was hotter than a cherry on a cigarette at 20 and turned every head when she moved; when she danced, she made every other name on my best dancer list a disappointment.

That awkward moment when someone stares at you while laughing at the same time, and you know something nasty is brewing in the opposite person’s head. We had this similarity, and I suppose that’s what drew us together in the strangest way possible. We both knew the difference between smiling and laughing; we smiled when we used to fantasize about the most heinous evil schemes, and we laughed when we turned those fantasies into devilish reality. People around us frightened us both and were always curious as to what was going on in our heads when we wore that smirky grin. We were well-known in our field, excelled at all we did, and the more we proved ourselves, the more “haters” we attracted. — This could never get me down, and I used to think of it as another “even-I-can’t-believe-how-fucking-awesome-I-am” moment… Something I wanted her to understand because when it came to her, she had raw rage that burst like a volcano if someone said anything about her or her life. Tsunamis and earthquakes seemed to be manageable when she was enraged. What astonished me was how someone with so much fury sulking inside could be so peaceful at times. I suppose everything that we can never understand is hidden beneath my smile.

I wanted her to know that these aspects of her appealed to me. Some people are like fire, and if my insanity was comparable to that of a phoenix, hers could be compared to the spark that ignited that fire to such heights. She was so much more than meets the eye, a girl who could come with a warning label that read “super sensitive, handle with care.” When I went up to explain this to her, she would simply look me in the eyes and smile devilishly, and I knew in my head that I didn’t have to say anything, even though there is no greater agony than carrying an untold story inside you, but I have a pretty good guess that she understood because words are only painted fire, and a look is the fire itself… 

So I got back to my senses upright back on my journey once again… See you till the next crazy soul I come across…

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